Common BDSM Chat etiquette and terms

Here just a few tips for B/beginner chatters in BDSM rooms The most important thing to remember is RESPECT. Be respectful to all, Dominant and submissive alike. Online disrespect is most often displayed in two situations, either the guilty party disagrees with something that has been said, in which case their reply should be couched in a polite manner, or he/she is under the impression that the person being addressed is not worthy of respect. (Subs, please raise your hands if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of this treatment. Now take those hands and SMACK the person who did it. Didn’t that feel good?)  Supposedly, if you’re old enough to be discussing a subject like Domination and submission, you’re old enough to have learned some basic manners by now. And if you're sufficiently versed in the ways of D/s to have any business whatsoever in a chat room devoted to such, then you should know how to talk to a sub. (For those who do not, here's a hint: talk to them as you would any other intelligent, sensitive, and worthy human being...and no, "bend over, bitch" is not an appropriate greeting.) As for addressing Dom/mes, no, you don't have to bow and scrape, or even nod. However, a friendly and polite manner is in order. Dom/mes should be addressed in a respectful manner. It is customary to address them as Sir and Ma'am. In the web based chat rooms it is common to give a Dominant a capital letter at the beginning of You, Her, She, His , Him, He...and for submissives to use the lower case version. If you're a sub, or think you are...it behooves you to treat Dominants with respect even upon first meeting; if they're wannabes, it will become obvious soon enough, and no further politeness is needed. If they're true Worthy, that will also become obvious, and you'll be glad that you were nice!  If you're a Dominant, or think you are, it is possibly even more vital for you to treat your fellow chatters or list members with respect...after all, how's anyone going to respect you if you don't show yourself worthy of it? It's been our experience that people respond to you in a manner resembling that in which you treat them; an ill-mannered or short-tempered Dom/me or sub is more than likely to be met with a similar attitude, and resulting scenes (no, not the good kind!) can often ruin what is otherwise a pleasant chat.  Getting past the most obvious aspect of etiquette, let us now move on to general guidelines for online chat forums. Learn the chat room/channel rules. Chat rooms/ Channels can differ in what is acceptable and what is not. Often, this will be part of the topic or retrievable by some simple commands. Often in Chat room the rules are posted on the entrance page. When in doubt, ask one of the channel ops or Moderators. One of the main problems with online D/s and BDSM discussion is that many of the people who appear in the rooms have absolutely no clue what the subject is really about...not that they'll admit this! Instead they enter the chat with what they consider a flourish, and what the rest of us look at as a disgusting caricature of our lifestyle. Example: the "Dom" who stomps into the room, inspects the subs, demands service and/or a scene from one, and generally wallows in the pleasures of commanding people, without having, or even desiring, any personal connection with the sub he targets, or with his "fellow" Dom/mes. These persons make up roughly one-third of the Dominants you will find in online chat forums; after a while, they become easily recognizable, and thus ignorable. Another example of a clueless D/s chatter is the "sub" who crawls into the room begging to be taken by a "masterful" ("mistressful?") man or woman. Now come ON! This is exactly the sort of person who gives real subs a bad reputation. True submission is not a physical thing, and it's not a whim to be followed whenever one's hormones start clamoring for kinky sex. If you see one of these pseudosubs in a chat room, you will recognize her by the overly subservient (and horny) manner in which she behaves...and the way she instantly changes personalities and rants at anyone who questions her commitment to the lifestyle. Ignore her at will. Be yourself. Putting on an act may work at first, but it is hard to keep it up and will be disdained, when discovered. And it will be discovered. Use common sense. A little common sense about people and situations goes a long way. Don't constantly air you personal problems on the channel. We are all human and we all have problems. This does not mean you cannot ask for help.....just remember the fable of the boy who called "wolf" too often. Have patience. It takes time to meet and get to know people. And every day, more and more people come BDSM chatrooms or to the channels on IRC. The moral of this story is: if you're going to enter a D/s chat forum, please be sure that you at least understand the fact that Domination and submission really has very little to do with sex. Most people who are in those chat rooms are there to discuss the lifestyle, not to get their thrills online. Please respect our choice!  The General Rules  Be respectful and polite to A/all  Don't "troll" for sex "Sub" does not mean "quickie cyber sex" Don't send private messages without permission from the person you're sending to   Here are a few specific BDSM terms used in chats 24/7 = 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. In other words, all the time. 24/7 D/s is a goal of many people in long-term, committed relationships, but everyone knows it's virtually impossible to stay dominant or submissive all the time.  B & D = Bondage & Discipline. Bondage is the practice of tying up or otherwise immobilizing a willing participant for pleasure or punishment. Discipline is the practice of the dominant partner instructing, correcting, or punishing the submissive partner.  Both bondage and discipline can be physical, psychological, or sexual, or a combination of all three.   BDSM = Bondage-Discipline-Sadism-Masochism. This is a catchall acronym that covers a huge range of practices and preferences. It often brings to mind stereotypes of the black leather "whips 'n chains" variety, but in reality, most BDSM activities are extremely individualized.  CBT = Cock & Balls Torture (or Training). This is exactly what it sounds like, and is used on male submissives to inflict pain or humiliation by striking the genitals (by hand or with a flogger, paddle, etc.); enclosing them in a wide variety of rings, cages, and other devices; or attaching weights, clamps, or other objects.  D/s = Dominance/submission. It can refer to either the lifestyle or the participants. The dominant partner may be known as the Dom, Master, or Sir (if male), or Domme, Mistress, or Ma'am (if female), and the submissive partner may be known as the sub, slave, or pet. RT = Real Time. Used to define face-to-face "real life" situations as opposed to on-line or telephone. There are many who consider the "real world" as the only way BDSM can be "real", but many who dominate or submit via modem or telephone will disagree strongly. Like anything else, it's all what you make of it. VT = Virtual Time. Used to define on-line, via computers and modem. S & M = Sadism & Masochism, or Sado-Masochism. Psychologically speaking, these are extreme mental conditions indicating severely unbalanced people, but in BDSM circles, S & M usually refers to the practices of consensual inflicting or receiving pain, and those who derive physical and/or sexual pleasure from doing so. SSC = Safe, Sane, Consensual. These are the guidelines that responsible people participating in BDSM activities follow, as they can lead to very dangerous situations if not careful. Physical and psychological damage are very possible if people "play" without knowing what they're doing.  TPE = Total Power Exchange. This one's been the subject of many debates -- like many things in BDSM, it means different things to different people. Generally, it refers to one person turning over to another all choices, preferences, and rights. Total power exchange, like 24/7 D/s, is something many aspire to, but highly unlikely in reality. Temporary TPE is more practical and more common... maybe the "T" should be redefined.  TV, CD, TS = Transvestite, Crossdresser, Transsexual. A person who is a transvestite, crossdresser, or transsexual isn't necessarily into BDSM (anymore than those choices imply homosexuality -- that's just another stereotype) but many are, and the abbreviations show up a lot among P/practioners of BDSM. Collar= usually symbolized by { } and the inital of the Dominant...some Dominants wear the { } with the initial(s) of Their slave(s) as well behind their name.The sacred symbol of a D/s in the lifestyle. to be collared by a Dominant means to surrender to His/Her will and to accept being owned by the Dominant. To obey and respect and to open oneself to His/Her totally. For a Dominant it denotes Ownership with all the rights and responsibilities inherent in this. A collar should never be taken or bestowed lightly. It is a serious commitment between the Dominant(s) and the submissive(s) or slave(s). Here some common abbreviations in chatrooms and emails   afk: away from keyboard  bbl: be back later brb: be right back BTW: by the way BBS: Bulletin Board System   CBT: cock and ball torture Dom: A Dominator Domme: A Female Dominant  *eg*: evil grin   FUBAR: Fouled Up Beyond All Repair FYI: For Your Information *g*: grin IMHO: In My Humble or Honest Opinion  kotc: kiss on the cheek kotl: kiss on the lips  lol: laughing out loud lmao: laughing my ass off M/s: Master/slave omg: Oh my God  ROTF: Rolling On The Floor  ROTFL: Rolling On The Floor Laughing ROTFLMAO: Rolling On The Floor Laughing My A** Off *S*: Smile *SS*: Soft Smile tntl: trying not to laugh   *weg*: wicked evil grin