Safe, Sane and Consensual

SAFE  Being safe is the most important element of any type of relationship, particularly a BDSM relationship. You can never be too safe. If you are meeting a potential Dom/me for the first time, it's a very good idea to take certain precautions; meet in a well-lit public place. Let someone you trust, maybe even two people, know where you will be with and how long you will be there. Also a phone call to let them know you're ok. Trust your instinct, if you suspect anything at all that just doesn't "feel right", leave!  During a "session/scene" be sure to have a "safeword" that both the submissive and the Dominant knows. Words such as "no" or screams are null and void. A popular safe word is "Mercy". However it might be better to use a totally unrelated word to any BDSM scene, such as a state name for example. Saying "Texas" in the middle of a flogging, might be more effective then saying mercy . The submissive should chose the safeword, making a lesser chance of forgetting it. A "safecall" is also a good idea, particularly if this is a new "relationship". A call that is prearranged between the submissive and someone that they trust,with a phrase that only the two of them know, that signals the submissive is in trouble. Let the trusted friend know the full name of the person you are seeing and where you will be. It is a good idea for the Dominant to "check in" with the submissive several times during the session/scene (Sometimes submissives find it difficult to use their safewords, even when they should). One good non-verbal check-in is for the Dominant to give the submissive's hand two light but firm squeezes. If the Dominant gets two squeezes back, it means that the submissive is basically all right.    SANE One very important part of being sane is not to mix alcohol or drugs with the session/scene. Once you're mind becomes clouded from the ill effects of any type of drug, you lose your ability to think clearly and rationally. Which is the key part of knowing when to use your safeword, knowing when something isn't right, knowing when you are in danger, and knowing when enough is enough.  If you're sick or not yourself or for any other reason can't think clearly, wait for another day to engage in any type of BDSM activities. Keep your ability to judge when anything goes past consensuality and becomes abuse, or becomes dangerous.   CONSENSUAL  If it's not consensual it's not right. Anything and everything that happens has to be agreed upon by both the Dom/me and the submissive. Decide what you will do ahead of time. During a session/scene is not the time to have a disagreement of expectations. Handle such matters as sexual behavior, safer sex precautions, type and degree of bondage, physical and emotional limits, and so forth before you play. Stay within these limits while you play. In fulltime D/s relationships all these are usually discussed and agreed upon long before any scening takes place. Communicate how you each feel about how the session/scene went afterwards. Discuss what did and didn't work, and what you might do next time. One popular way is by contracts. A written contract that is signed by both the Dominate and the submissive, on a day other than that of the session/scene. Both should have a copy that is kept in a safe place. The length and content of the contract is to the discretion and agreement of both of them. This is particularly important for those who like "forced" play. Last, but not Least   In any type of BDSM, being Safe, Sane, and Consensual is an important element. Once a session/scene has begun it is the responsibility of the Dominant to keep the submissive safe. The submissive is trusting the Dominant to follow this code since it is the Dominant in control. As the relationship continues and grows and trust is built, and the Dominant learns to recognize the submissive's reactions the need for safewords become less important.  Always be prepared for emergencies. First Aid training as well as CPR can be handy for any emergency situations in life. It is also a good idea to keep a first aid kit nearby...just in case. Above all else, go slow and Use Common Sense! Bondage can be obsessively exciting for anyone new to the scene. Before you do ANYTHING, give yourself time to think and be rational.