Common Psychological Problems Sometimes the experience of being in a scene creates new problems for the Dominant as well as the submissive. Even the anticipation of a scene can conjure fears, images, and memories of past experiences that cause mental anguish and irrational behavior. Typical symptoms include screams or shouts of fear rather than pain; desperate struggling to be free, as from bonds or cuffs, and displays of genuine anger rather than the typical submissive behavior of "Oh, no, Sir, please don't do that! Oohhhhhhhhhh." Some of the more common psychological events include:   Panic attacks   Claustrophobia   Traumatic flashbacks   Shock   Uncontrollable crying   Unreasonable requests for MORE! Most of the time, the Dominant and the submissive will be aware of the problem before it begins. Or, at least we would expect them to be aware.For example, before doing a mummification, it is reasonable to expect that the Dominant has asked the submissive if he or she has claustrophobia. In cases of psychological trauma , it is best to stop the scene, allow the person to get loving support and reassurance. After a Scene: Exploring sexual alternatives can be frightening even if it is exciting. Many fear rejection from exposing their sex secrets or fear being hurt. Eliminating these fears takes time, trust and understanding. The compassion and understanding you show each other at all times will help you achieve new heights of sexual liberation. Erase the fears and concerns by your loving actions. Use safety and make intelligent decisions that concern both of you. A reassuring hug or touch during any play is important. Even during a serious spank a loving stroke of the hand through the hair will assure your bottom that everything is OK. Telling your partner that you love them during play is also important. When the play is over hold your partner in your arms and express the appreciation you have for them and how grateful you are for allowing these moments to be shared. Thank them for trusting you. This is a very special thing the two of you have shared. Let each other know how honored you are. Take a candle lit bath together and relax. Absorb the after glow of your play. Laugh and talk about the play. Talk about what you liked and didn't like. Don't be judgmental. Listen to each other. Many different emotions may surface and your support for one another is important at this time. Wishful Thinking: Another emotional dangers we can think of is wishful thinking. Also, many submissives give their hearts over too easily, without first making sure that the Dominant is trustworthy and right for them. And many Dominants get into a cycle of thinking that because they are a Dominant they know better, or are smarter, than submissives. This especially applies to submissives, although we have seen Dominants guilty of it also. We have often wondered why people who would think through any committment they made in a vanilla relationship, who would evaluate their potential vanilla partner, are so quick to accept and trust someone because they say they are a Dom or a sub. The same things that are important in vanilla relationships are even more important here. You need to know if the person you are dealing with is trustworthy. Is he or she compatible with you? In other words, are you interested in the same things, like the same movies and books, and so forth. Be honest. With yourself. With prospective partners. Never be ashamed to admit you don't know something, or to ask questions. If you're looking for 24/7, don't tell someone you only want to play. If you're looking for love and romance, be up-front about it. If you are dishonest about what you want, it's not only you who could get hurt in the long run.  Remember that you are talking about a very intense and deep relationship. If you can't agree on the vanilla aspects of the relationship, the D/s will not be enough to hold you together. Do you even both need the same sort of D/s relationship?   Make sure that they all partners involved explicitly state their needs to each other, and get confirmation from the other that those needs would be met. After all, in a vanilla relationship, if it doesn't work, you can walk away. It will hurt, but, you can leave. For those of you who have been in D/s relationships, you know that it is not so easy here. For those who haven't, please take our word for it, it's not easy to leave. Were I to release my slave, it would absolutely crush her emotionally. I do not think she would be able to trust enough to have another relationship for a very long time. By the same token, it would be hard on me as well if she felt the need to leave, because I have failed her in my responsibility as her Dominant. Love and Trust: Submissives need to be very cautious of giving their heart, love and trust to a Dominant. Especially when dealing with someone you have met online. You have to hold your heart back until you KNOW, beyond doubt, that you can trust this man (or woman). Time after time we have heard the story. He uses multiple chat names, and has 5 or 6 submissives, unbeknown to each other . He's married, but he told me he was divorced. Everything he told me was a lie, his job, his life, everything. It's simply too easy to make things up in chat. It's way too easy for the people who are playing to mislead people. You know what we mean, the guy who just wants to have a little fun, act out a fantasy or two, whatever. Unfortunately, the person on the other side often times is not playing, this isn't a fantasy for them. The problem is that a major part of the submissive personality is the need to please and the need to trust. And those two traits tend to cause you to take what this "Master" or "Mistress" is telling you at face value. Don't do it. Always remember actions speak louder and clearer then words. Does the Dominant prove consistent? Does he or she show their integrity? Are they genuinely concerned for the submissives welfare and do their actions show that? Does the Dominant enjoy the respect of others in the BDSM community? We know it isn't easy, nor what you want to do, but, for your own sakes, please hold back a bit. Verify what the Dominant is telling you BEFORE it's too late. Then you can make the committment. Remember, this is not a vanilla relationship, where you can walk out, or divorce the jerk. You could actually be putting your life in danger. At the very least, you are exposing your heart and soul to someone totally. Find out if you can trust him (or her) and then give them your love. Don't do it the other way around.  Dominants:  So often we see Dominants behave as if the very fact that their personality is dominant means that they are smarter. As if the fact that someone is submissive means they don't have anything worthwhile to contribute. What's really funny about this is, without the contribution of the submissive or slave their is NO Master or Mistress. The best Dominants we know listen to submissives, AND remember that they DO NOT know it all. The reason my slave accepts my final decision is that she knows I considered everything, including what she thought, before I decided, and that my decision was based on what I felt was best after taking everything into account.  To all you Dominants out there, just remember, your authority in your relationship is based on your behavior. If you act dumb, your authority can disappear overnight. And once your submissive doesn't think you are doing what's best for her, your relationship is going down the drain.