BDSM Definitions and Glossary

BDSM Terminology SAFE: Free from harm or risk,secure from danger SANE: Mentally sound and healthy, rational, showing good judgement  CONSENSUAL: Based on or involving mutual consent. Actions which are involuntary but accompanied by awareness of their performance.  B&D: Bondage & Dominance or Bondage & Discipline. S&M: Sadism & Masochism. S&M stands also for "Sensuality & Mutuality" Respect your partner above all things.   Submission and Dominance are both great gifts... cherish them! D&S: Dominance & Submission Bondage: restraining people Discipline: some form of erotic punishment, often involving caning or spanking Dominance: Being In Charge and Controlling the other person(s) as well as the environment Dom: short for Dominant, often non-gender-specific, usually refers to male Dominant/Master Domme: short for Dominant, often non-gender-specific, usually refers to female Dominant/Mistress Domination: The act of bending someone else to your will, by force of personality, or by use of pain or persuasion. Submission: letting someone else "Be In Charge" of you, giving control to Another, for those living the lifestyle submission extends to all parts of their life. Allowing another individual (a "Dominant") to perform acts upon you and giving up your control to Another. True submission is much more then sexual. Sadism: enjoying giving extreme stimulation, including pain Masochism: enjoying receiving extreme stimulation, including pain   Glossary Please remember these terms are here for information purposes, not to reflect our individual tastes, likes or dislikes Anal: Usually relates to anal penetration, with an impliment such as a dildo, butt plug, finger or other objects. Blood Sports: When the skin is broken during play, allowing blood to escape. Bondage: The practice of restraining a person by means of ropes, chains or other mechanical devices. bottom: one who receives sensation and/or bondage inflicted by Top Cane: A Manila cane, rattan cane or bamboo impliment used to discipline a person CBT: Cock & Ball Torture Clamps: Most often refers to spring loaded clamps used to attach to sensitive areas of the body such as nipples for example to heighten sensation. There are many different styles of nipple clamps available that all attach differently and cause a different effect on the clamped nipple. Before use, they need to be adjusted for how tightly you wish to attach them, depending on the amount of discomfort you are looking for. They can restrict the blood flow to the nipple, so you need to pay attention for skin dicoloration or temperature change. They should not be left on tightly for more than 15 minutes at a time. They usually hurt the most at the moment they are taken off. Clothes pins can be used in place of nipple clamps. Make sure you get the spring-loaded kind and not the clip-ons. You can attach them anywhere you can pinch the skin or to the nipples.The most fun can be in the removeal of them. Which can be slow and torturous or quick, depending on how much you want to make your sub squirm. Clothes pins can also cause damage if left on too long, especially if the springs haven't been weakened (done by bending the clothespins open to beyond their normal range). The clamping end can be covered in cloth or surgical tape to make it a bit softer, and cut down on the chance of splinters. Collar: a restraint used around the neck. Commonly used to symbolize Ownership. The collar is the most prominent symbol of D/s relationship. The collar represents the ownership of the submissive to the Dominant who owns it. The submissive should not expect the collar to be given but in some cases beg for it. It is a gift given to the submissive and must be earned. How and when it is earned is totally up to the Dominant. The submissive must respect the collar and the control behind it. On the same token, the Dominant should never abuse the control the collar gives them. A collar signifies a deep commitment between the P/parties involved and should never be bestowed or taken lightly. The collar comes in many different forms, some very plain, as simple as a plain black piece of leather, similar to a dog collar; or as detailed as having stones, spikes or other adornments on it. It is common for the Dominant's name or initials to be either etched into the collar, or on a piece of metal attached to the collar. A "D" ring can be attached to be used as a way to attach the wrists to the neck, or attach a chain/leash. Service collar: Often a piece of jewelry (necklace) that can be worn in everyday living, yet has special meanings to the slave and Dominant involved and is worn when a more BDSM like collar is not appropriate to the situation. Crop: A jockey's riding crop, used as an impliment for discipline Cross: Usually a St.Andrews cross, a "X" shaped heavy wooden cross, about 6 to 7 foot high (2 meters) high, used for bondage during a BDSM scene. Cuffs: Normally made of leather with metal securing rings used to assist with bondage. Placed around wrists and/or ankles. Discipline: The act of striking someone with the intention of producing sensations of pain. Various impliments are used. Mostly the buttocks or hands are struck as these are less prone to injury. However an experienced Dominant might very well strike other areas. There are certain "red zones" on the body, places which should never be struck, the tailbone being one of those as are the back of the knees. Dungeon: A room equipped with torture and discipline equipment suitable for a BDSM scene. Edge Play: any type of play beyond a person's limits. Varies with each person, though usually refers to activities such as blood sports. Enema: Introduction of a substance into the bowel via the rectum for the purpose of inducing defecation. In a scene this may be used for purposes of humiliation or eroticism. Equestrian: Role playing as a horse: to be ridden or used as a show pony (ponygirls and ponyboys) Golden Showers: Sex play with urine. Handcuffs: Handcuffs are an age old symbol of bondage. To many BDSM'ers, the mere sight of them is a turn on. Metal cuffs have many dangers other than being uncomfortable, and requiring a key (a spare set of keys is always a good idea) they can cut and severely bruise a sub/slave who is struggling or pulling at them. Also, cheaper sets of cuffs have been known to tighten on their own during struggling and play...this could lead to worse injuries including cutting off the circulation. Double-locking cuffs are more expensive, but also much safer. Metal handcuffs were NOT designed for any suspension Bondage cuffs are specifically designed for BDSM play. They are more comfortable and just as easy to use...and they don't require a key. They are available in a variety of designs and materials (soft leathers are gentle on the skin and unlikely to cut). If you are interested in suspension, use only specially designed suspension cuffs. Cuffs can be alot of fun if used properly and with respect. A good Dom/me should always remember that a sub/slave allowing the use of them is also offering you their total trust, something which should never be taken advantage of. Humiliation: Creation of a psycho-sexual state of excitement by use of degrading or humiliating situations. H/D play (Humiliation/Degradation play has a huge following in the rt BDSM scene). Each participants definition of Humiliation/Degradation is different and usually is very well discussed before ever attempted as should any type of play be. Limits (soft): A soft limit is a limit that is discovered between the Dominant and the slave. An area that the slave cannot surpass at that time but has the desire to continually push it to where she can accept more of her Dominant's offerings. A prime example of a soft limit is the "pain element" of the lifestyle. At the beginning of the relationship, the slave may have very low tolerances to pain and will physically and mentally have an established limit. Over time, however, she will become accustomed to levels of pain that her Dominant applies to her body and will find that she can accept more pain at an ever-increasing level. Soft limits can be from physical things such as pain or from the emotional aspect of the relationship. The depth of which one serves another can be a soft limit; as time goes by and the bond grows stronger between Dominant and slave, she will be able to psychologically allow more control over her being and her actions. Another type of soft limit comes from certain activities. While a slave may be interested in asphyxia or other dangerous play, she may only be interested in pursuing these activities after a bond of trust is established. In a sense, this is also a soft limit, for the tolerance of doing such an activity is more easily accepted depending on the factors involved. Limits (hard): out-of-bounds, that the slave has no interest in intruding into for any reason. There are just as many types of hard limits as there are soft limits. Engaging in dangerous play, such as cutting,asphyxia or scat are areas that some slaves will never wish to taken into. Many permanent acts such as branding, scarring and tattooing are some activities that can be hard limits as well. Pain will be a hard limit to some submissives as well, for after pushing the envelope of the soft limit or a time, there may come a time that the tolerance level can no longer be pushed comfortably forward. In a lengthy relationship even hard limits can soften over time. The cause of this is simple...the bond and trust that has accumulated over time between both people. After scening together, and knowing in your heart that the other person cares for you regardless of your desires, it becomes easier to loosen restrictions that you had previously placed on yourself. Once you know you can completely trust your partner with your life, you may find yourself willing to go into some activities or increased endurance levels that you never thought possible. Masochism or Masochist: Someone who gets pleasure out of pain. Pain: Pain inflicted deliberately for the purpose of heightening sexual tension or creating a submissive state of mind. Rack: Mechanical device to stretch out a masochist, rather like a table, classically based on the mediaeval torture devices. Rope: Rope is great for restraining your slave helpless.There are a variety of knot techniques to increase pressure and friction on delicate areas to highten your subs excitement.You can also use it as a sort of whip or loosen the brade for use as a flogger. Check out the links below for some more detailed explaination of different rope techniques such as in Japanese Bondage. A heavy, soft nylon braided rope, is recommended because it is sturdy and soft against the skin, as well as easy to work with. Rough ropes can easily chafe the skin leaving rope-burns. Always make sure that the restraints are not so tight that they cut off circulation. A good way to check that the rope is not too tight is if you are able to insert 2 fingers between the restraint and the skin. In addition you should keep an eye on the skin colour and temperature of the skin. Sado or Sadist: Someone who enjoys giving pain to another Safeword: A specific word (or sometimes an action) used as a signal that the submissive partner in a scene wants to stop the scene or something which is happening. Scat: Playing with and sometimes eating of feces. Scene: An episode of BDSM interaction Sensory Depriviation: The real strength of the blindfold lies in what it takes away, sight. The sense that is most used to percieve things around us. Blindfolds can be alot of fun to play with because they are a mental toy, and you can really tease your slave using their other senses, touch, smell, sounds and taste, which become very sensative when you deprive them of their sight (although you do need to be aware of psychological reactions from your slave , as this can be very scarey also). You can be very creative with blindfolds, using them to excite your slave with the element of anticipation and surprise. Using various other toys to arouse their other senses, like ice, touching them softly with the tails of a flogger, or a feather. Sounds like the cracking of a whip of or latching of cuffs. Experimentation with your slave is always the best idea, and it is not advisable to use a gag with blindfolds in the beginning, while you are learning about your slaves reations to sight deprivation. The only real danger in using blindfolds is to make sure they are on snuggly but not too tight Session: same as 'scene', but usually referring to a professional situation. Slave: One who choses to be subservient to another person and do their bidding. It is a common practice for a slave to be totally controlled. Sling: A leather hammock style device suspended from four corners on which submissives are strapped in a form of bondage. Stock: A device, usually wooden, for securing a person by the neck and wrists. Subspace: D/s can involve the use of sensation (pain) to produce a state of what is referred to as "Subspace" or "Bottom space." This state can be loosely described as a mild from of hypnotism produced by he body's reaction to sensation, namely the production of endorphins, which produces a dreamy state or a feeling if well being, similar to the effects of morphine and other opiates. This state can be a pleasure in and of itself, or used to increase the submissive's pleasure in the sexual act which for most, either follows a "sensation" or can be performed during a Scene. Suspension: Lifting the body from the ground by means of a harness or ropes. Switch: Thin flexible branches or canes used for discipline. S/switch: one who takes both the Dominant and submissive roles. A term used to describe one who is comfortable with both dynamics of a Dom/sub relationship and enjoys both active and reactive roles within the scene. In other words, a Dominant who can be a submissive in the right situation and a submissive who at times is Dominant Torture: Use of pain for the purpose of stimulation and or pleasure Top: one who inflicts sensation and/or bondage on another (pleasurable and/or painful) Toys: objects used in play such as dildos, restraints, blindfolds, etc. Training: Teaching and guiding an individual, most likely a submissive taught by a Dominant. Vanilla: person who does not desire or participate in BDSM play, or activity not associated with or not involving BDSM play or the BDSM lifestyle Watersports: (see "Golden Showers")