In the interest of keeping this simple, the Dominant in this essay is a male Dom and the submissive a female. However the essay also applies to a female Dominant and male submissive.

The Dominant should be in control of himself first and foremost, Self Control is the key for without it how can he seek to control others. He should be confident, caring, and understanding, He does not allow ego to get in the way of learning, Or use his ego to judge others. he seeks to learn both about himself and his submissive, he knows how to love, And how to cherish the gift given to him. When the Dominant meets a novice submissive He is kind and guiding without demanding ritual of Her, He does not demand respect, he earns it, He explores her mind first, learning her strengths, He does not seek to seduce her , but gets to know her as a person , building a relationship, slowly discovering if there is to be one. If he is a good Dominant he does not do this to gain another submissive, but only because he is able to befriend someone, without the trappings of sexuality. He is not a predator, but a teacher, willing to pass his knowledge with little or no reward, but the pleasure of knowing he can, and the satisfaction of helping someone define their own path. If the time comes when she offers herself to His service, The Dominant is the first to question her decision, to ask her to look into herself and discover if He is what she really wants. He is the first to mention Safety, to volunteer References, and to tell her to seek more. He supports safe calls and public meetings, He mentions support groups and Gatherings before private play. Her safety is foremost in His mind at this beginning. If He decides to take the submissive into service, he is the first to mention negotiation, to offer his own personal information , To mention Honesty as the door Communication as the Key , To seek to draw Her from Her Shell .He realizes the danger she could be placed in the wrong hands, and seeks to Guide her in protecting herself, He does not dismiss her worries, for he knows her risks are all to real. He knows his safety also depends on Honesty, on communication, He is at first only as protective of himself he needs to need be, knowing that for him to there is danger in beginnings .but open and Honest about his life, tastes, what he expects, he knows that she will be taking a leap of faith, and is supportive of her. To possess her, he Knows he must first earn her respect, to do this He must prove he is what he says he is, that he cares for her, that he would push her limits only to build her strengths, that he is willing to spend the time to learn her as a Person first, then as a submissive , He knows how wonderful this gift is that she offers, and is willing to live up to her trust in him. To this end , He talks with her , learning her secret needs and desires, and in turn expressing his own, always ready to affirm her worth, to him ,and to herself , increasing her confidence in herself , and in the gift she gives, gently pushing her limits to show her she can be more than she feels she is, that she can go farther than she ever thought possible, Slowly opening the flower of her submission , coaxing her passion for him into full bloom. If she lacks self esteem he shows her he respects her, and finds her worthy of his time. He shows her she has beauty in his eyes, thus she is beautiful. He focuses on her strengths, to show her of her own power, He softly explains that the gift she gives is the most wonderful gift of all, Herself. He takes the time to learn her Soul, before thinking of learning her body, as the Dominant learns his new submissive, a connection takes place allowing Him to Feel her desires, Sense her needs, her passions. With this new knowledge, the Dominant is able to take his Submissive to new heights of pleasure, to guide her and walk with her as together they seek new levels of love and fulfillment. In taking a submissive into his service the Dominant takes on many responsibilities. He pledges to help guide her in her path, not only in the bedroom, but in life. He pledges to be there for her when she needs Him, to care for her, ease her pain when she is depressed, comfort her when she is ill, assist her in overcoming her fears and worries, to hold and love her when she needs affection. He does this because he can, for this is his gift to her... Her gift given willingly, his returned with joy, He seeks to understand her mind, to gaze into her soul, because only then can the two become more than each can be as individuals. She is his most precious possession and he strives to prove his love, much the way she will, every day. The Dominant does not seek to change His submissive into what he wants, but revels in the chance to show her what she can become. He enjoys showing her those strengths she already possesses, and guides her only, helping her to grow into the person she wishes to be. He coaxes her into finding her own path, but never states outright what that path should be. Once the direction is found, He will keep her to her task, gently pushing her to become the woman He knows she can be. Is there a profile of the perfect Dominant? I think not -- perfection is something we all strive to obtain, but never reach. It is the struggle to find perfection that makes a good Dominant. There is no one description of a good Dominant; just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, no viewpoint is wrong, merely different. All that can be said is that a Good Dominant should have Good qualities, that include strength, ability, confidence, control, the ability to learn and the presence of mind to know that he can always learn more. He should be loving , encouraging, honorable and chivalrous, he should respect and cherish women and show the respect to others that he himself wishes to be shown. The Dominant should be sure of himself, and in that confidence not think that to build himself he must look down at others. He should be sure of his ideals, but not so sure that He comes to believe His way is the only path. He can allow others to follow their own paths, no matter how different, without ridicule. If he witnesses a wrong he seeks to right it, but without pressing the view that his way is the only one, only expressing the danger of anothers action or offering his assistance to help guide them out of danger. He knows the difference between punishment and play, between pain and sensation. He never exerts his power in anger, He never brings anger and hostility into a Scene. He does not use this gift to vent his Hostilities, but leaves outside concerns outside, He knows that to control others he must first master himself. He can exercise his art to help his submissive become the woman she has always been, deep within her spirit. He takes her gift of submission seriously, knowing that it is not given blindly or lightly. He always remembers how precious the gift is, how rare it is, how beautiful it is. For she has given him something that cannot be taken, but must be given, the gift of herself, her soul, and the Dominant should cherish that Gift as the rare jewel it is.